‘Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself’ – Coco Chanel
‘Fashion is not frivolous, it is part of being alive today’ – Mary Quant
Until recently, I didn’t really recognise myself in the mirror. I’d say this had been going on for about 7 years. Sure, I looked like a version of myself, and pregnancy and childbirth will alter your appearance (surprise, surprise) but I still wasn’t myself and I could see that on my face. It’s a strange reality when how you feel and who you feel like on the inside doesn’t match your outward appearance. Although I was always very happy with the way I looked growing up, I always thought that paying excessive attention to the way you look was vain and ignoble. Now, I see that looking after your appearance is so much more than that – it is self-respect, stewardship, confidence, identity and self-expression. There is a slippery slope to vanity, sure, but it is avoidable.
Looking back, I surprisingly had a great attitude towards my appearance as a teen and at university. I credit my parents for this. I paid scrupulous attention to hygiene without going overboard, wore simple makeup as and when I thought it appropriate, tried to look nice for occasions and generally just didn’t fret too much. After I graduated university the same was true in my first couple of jobs.
The Covid pandemic and more specifically, working from home, turned me into a jungle monster who didn’t belong in the open air.
Okay, I’m exaggerating, but I just didn’t see the need to look after myself as much when I wasn’t even leaving the house. As the event invitations dried up, so too did my inclination to get my eyebrows done.
Fast forward to now, where I feel like I am finally escaping the fog of the pandemic, hardcore medical training jobs and navigating early marriage, living together and having a child.
About 6 months ago, I started looking in the mirror. I don’t mean, I looked in the mirror after my shower so I could get dressed properly. I mean, I sat in front of a mirror. For five whole minutes. And just looked at my face. Such a simple thing but it taught me so much. About myself, my appearance and the consequences of self-care.
Firstly, I realised that it doesn’t make me feel good to have this disconnect between how I feel and how I look. I want to look in the mirror and see myself, not a person I don’t recognise. This was going to take more than eyebrow threading to fix. But the simple idea that my outside was simply a reflection of my inside was obvious. I realised I wanted to look good and I was going to have to fix the inside. I owed it to myself to look after what I had been given and had the self-respect to turn things around. The main things I found had a direct impact on my face were drinking lots of water and going on long walks. My face glowed as a consequence of these two things. Smiling also immediately makes my face light up.
I soon realised that the step after just basic self care was actually…changing things to not only look well cared for but more like myself. I remembered that when I was a child, I would dress up in different outfits with friends, stand on the tree stump in our back garden and pretend to take photos. I was unknowingly using my clothes to show the world who I was. Which sounds really obvious and every teen in existence seems to know this instinctively but somehow as an adult I just….forgot. Or rather I became busy with so many other things and didn’t give myself the time and space to express myself outwardly.
I took a solo trip last year where I stayed in a hotel for two days to get away from household responsibilities for a little while. Part of my intention was to have some time to dress myself where I wasn’t in a rush to look after someone or get out the door. I took time over my clothes and accessories and felt that I looked how I wanted to look. People noticed. I was treated differently and I could see people appreciating that I had shown up for myself. Following that, I am trying to do this more everyday! I hope I can keep doing this because it is doing wonders for my soul.
I don’t think I’m vain. I’m not right? Somebody please confirm.
