I love food, probably more than anything else in life. Maybe I love my mum more. For me, my mum and food and love are intimately intertwined. I struggle to think of one without thinking of the others. Throughout my life, my days have been interspersed by meals (many of them cooked by my mother) and eating these meals has given me energy, joy, time to connect with family and friends and a truly wholly sensory experience. What a blessing to be able to do this multiple times a day. 

I love to cook, having watched my mother cook whilst growing up and sometimes joining in. I like using recipes as a guide but mostly I like to intuit what is going to work based on experience and some background reading. During hard times, I have not had as many home cooked meals. When I have been travelling, or working very hard, or when I became a new mother and was very nauseous, I just wasn’t able to cook. Stress stops me from being able to cook. Cooking is something I do when I feel peaceful, joyful, happy and giving. When I am stressed, I have nothing to give. My mother, who truly understands the importance of eating well, cooks for me to try and make up the gaps but I can’t ask her to do this all the time. I end up ordering takeaway and my mind and body feel polluted as a result. The things that specifically make me feel terrible are 

• Plastic packaging 
• It’s cold by the time it’s at your door
• Expensive 
• Not quite the meal I wanted, just done out of desperation 
• Not sure what it’s made of or how it’s been cooked
• There’s no love 

Clearly this isn’t something I want to do. It’s something I feel forced to do because I feel I have no other options. Another thing I do out of desperation is order meal kits. I prefer these to takeaway as I still get to cook but without as much effort. It still doesn’t quite result in the meal I want though. And all the ingredients come in lots of plastic packaging and it’s definitely more expensive than just cooking myself. Again, there is also less love. Anything that requires less effort and more convenience is less love. 

I think it’s good to order takeaway as a treat and it’s good to order meal kits as a way to spice up your kitchen and cooking. But when it becomes a need or it’s done out of desperation it feels very bad. Often times of need are actually the times when you need the food more! For example, when you’re sick or breastfeeding as a new mother. 

Why doesn’t my husband just cook you might be asking. His cooking is okay but honestly it just doesn’t hit the same way as my own. When we were at university he would make the same chicken curry and rice every week and eat it for a few days. I just couldn’t do that. I love cooking with him though. We have a nice time together. I have the ideas and then we make them come alive together and he clears up. He also organises the food shop and we add in whatever we want together so it really feels like we share the load. But when I’m down for whatever reason, the food doesn’t seem to get made. So I’m down, and I have no fresh food to eat. It’s hard. I sometimes think that in families who live together there must be so much more community – if one person can’t cook someone else picks up the slack. When you live in a nuclear family in an individualistic society you just have to somehow muddle through. 

I believe that food can keep us healthy. Obviously, in conjunction with other habits too but I think all types of food have different nutrients and properties and these are all the things our bodies need to thrive. Food is the beautiful way we extract what we need from the earth and as we know, waste material can then be used refertilise the soil and feed the earth. What a beautiful, clean and neat cycle. 

Becoming a mother, because I love food and I associate motherhood with providing food, I put a lot of effort into weaning my child. He loves food too and I can tell he knows when I have made something for him with love. He gets excited about it and asks ‘What you made mummy?’. He’s also started helping in the kitchen – he currently likes peeling onions and garlic and interestingly hasn’t yet complained that they make his eyes water. 

I think the thing I have now had to learn is that regardless of what else is happening in my life, food is something I can’t really compromise on. It is not only a manifestation of love from a mother to a child or family and friends but also a form of self-love. The ultimate form of self-love if you will. I think this is the main way I can show myself that I am ‘worth it’. To take time out of my day to 

• Find fresh ingredients that I feel like eating
• Put them together in a balanced meal 
• Enjoy the bounty mindfully without scrolling 
• Save the leftovers for another time 

What a great way to spend time.